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Writings Area: View Submission |
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God on Earth: Medicant Widow
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Overall Rating: 89.7%
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Rating Details 
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This writing has been rated by 4 members, resulting in a rating of 89.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:
Concept/Plot:
Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought? | 92.25% |
Imagery:
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it? | 92% |
Spelling and Grammar:
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentances or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant? | 85.75% |
Flow/Rhythm:
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
| 88.5% |
Vocabulary:
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have? | 90% | |
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Written by: AncientYouth
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Type: Story
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Submitted: 1280617946
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"Sit down, sirrah, if you would. I have a little medicine for ya." Mary said, seeing Gary leap to his feet at the sound of her name. She smiled, just a bit too hard, and just a bit too wide.
The effect was quite disconcerting. But Gary suddenly felt woozy, with a odd checkerboard pattern obscuring the edges of his vision. He struggled, but finally collapsed back on his bed.
"Good. You've already attempted to escape three times. We wouldn't want you to not take your medicine, would we?" The unnatural smile grew just a bit wider. The edges of her mouth were almost halfway to her ears. Something about her demeanor began to strike Gary as odd. He didn't remember the beginning of their conversation though, so he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
"No..." Gary muttered. Mary produced a syringe, kneeled beside the bed, and pressed the needle into Garys arm. It stung. The woman withdrew the needle quickly, with the experience of years of practice. Garys vision began to tunnel.
As the world faded into blackness, Gary could have sworn that Marys mouth widened even more...
He awoke to an empty room, this time a more stark white than before. Mary entered, smiling her odd, wide smile. There was a massive gash running down her face, sewn up with a large black and red thread. She was wearing a white and red nurses outfit now, and carrying a plate with surgical intruments on it. Gary couldn't seem to recall why this struck him as odd.
"Ah! Good! You're awake then?" She said exiteably. She looked to be in her late twenties.
"I can't belive you're alive, I found you lying facedown in a pool of blood. I'm so sorry about your sister." Mary teared up, choking back sobs. "I did everything I could, but she..." Now she was literally choking, as Gary wrapped his hand around her throat. At the mention of a sister, the effects of the "Medicine" wore off.
"What do you know of Violet?" He rasped. His throat was dry enough to make it seem as if he hadn't drunk for several years.
"Nothing! Violet? Who was that? I found you all alone! Were you hit in the head during the cave-in? Please don't kil me!" She pleaded, tears running down her face as Gary smashed her into the wall again and again. Growling, he picked up one of the scalpels on the floor and pressed it up against her throat. A tinny drop of blood ran down from the blade as Gary sliced away the top layer of skin.
"She paid me! She -Ahhk- Paid me! You don't understand, I have children! Please!" She sobbed. "They need their mother! Don't do this to them." Gary dropped her to the floor in a pile of sobbing rags. The nurses outfit was gone, replaced by a dirty brown smock. The door creaked open, a small boy standing terrified at the sight of this large man standing over his sobbing mother.
Gary bit back an apology to the boy. There was no time. He rushed out of the shack, passing several like them on his way out of town. Passers-by looked at him oddly, this man who looked so young but had the knowledge of thousands of years behind his eyes. Power leaked from his every pore like it did from no man.
Of course, the fact that he was dressed in only his underwear helped draw attention a little.
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#1 |
on August 01 2010 16:07:12
#2 |
on August 02 2010 13:05:25
#3 |
on August 02 2010 19:45:56
#4 |
on August 02 2010 22:40:40
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Character Battle 1-10
Spiderman (Peter Parker)
63% [5 Votes]
Sarah Kerrigan (the Queen of Blades)
38% [3 Votes]
Votes: 8
You must login to vote. Started: 30/08/2010 09:40 Polls Archive
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