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Print

From: Posted by Don Roble
February 03 2010 21:12:06
125 Reads · 6 Comments

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Really, didn't the Waltons take way too long to say goodnight? By the time they finished saying goodnight it was time to start saying good morning. How did they ever get any sleep? I'm not going to buy car insurance from Geico because of it but it's a good question.

Yea, this and the little gecko make you remember Geico insurance. Then, Nationwide offers you accident forgiveness. Sounds like a goods deal, right? It is. The problem is, do you want people driving around knowing they can whack you and it won't cost them anything? A free shot at you? Then, Progressive can save you 300-500 dollars against everyone else. Oh, no they can't say the others. They can save you this much or that much. I figured out that I can get insurance and get paid to get it. I have my doubts. I have my doubts.

Odd to see your cable advertising it's own channel to advertise it's own cable system. After all, you have to already have their cable to see the channel, don't you? Also, who wants to watch a channel about their cable company? Never mind that, people will watch anything. People watch stupid dog tricks and stupid people tricks and cable advertising itself. Yea, people will watch anything.

You have to love this idea of buy this super-duper product for $19.99 and we'll send you these extra things too. Then, if you buy one, they'll send you a second one, or set, absolutely free! Isn't that great! Why not send you one and cut the price in half? What are you supposed to do with two hair styling kits? Yes, you could give one away as a gift but how do you explain that you think someone needs to style their hair? Really, how do you do that?

“Read my book and become rich!” Hmm, sounds too good to be true. It is too good to be true. He's becoming rich selling you his book. If his book worked, he'd be doing that instead, now wouldn't he? Sure, he might be a nice guy who wants to spread the wealth around- no, that's stupid too.

Make your dog happy with this dry crap. Your dog is a carnivore. He wants meat, not cereal. Want to make your puppy happy? Throw him a steak, preferably raw, preferably a cat. That'll make him happy. They say the dry crap is well-balanced and nutritious. Dogs have made it this far on meat. I'd think if they needed, or wanted, rice, they'd have done that on their own.

“Here, Fido, you want this handful of dry crap or this steak in my other han-!!!”

“Buy this work out equipment and you'll look like this.” No you won't. You can use that equipment until you get hospitalized and you won't look like that. You'll look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. The only way you are going to be well-built is to be born that way. All the beauty aids in the world won't make you beautiful. Not in the least. At best, you won't look like the Beast. Yes, someone might have to look twice to see blemishes but they will look twice. That's how people are. They'll not only look twice but they'll gossip about you.

Yes, ladies, a face lift is very noticeable. After a couple of them, your eyes are on the top of your head. The only advantage to that is that you can look at the stars without moving your head.

Guys, Botox makes you look like a guy using Botox. After a few shots, you look like Frankenstein without the bolts.

Man, that car can fly! If you try this at home you'll be flying to jail in a squad car. Then, it'll probably get stolen from the tow pound. No, she doesn't come with the model. She just there to sucker you, guys. The reason they say not to try this at home is because it can't be done in a stock model. Those aren't stunt drivers, they're astronauts; they're escapees from some institution; they're not you.

I don't remember ever buying anything because of a tv ad. That's okay because they don't know it and I got free tv for it. Also, the ads are better than the shows.
Comments
#1 | Malicepoint on February 04 2010 19:21:10
You can make anything into a funny satire.
#2 | ladylunaivy on February 05 2010 15:40:25
lol ... so very true and entertaining Wink
#3 | Scott Bolger on February 07 2010 23:45:34
I love this article! I think it is one of your best yet...so many good points, and so many funny (yet not so funny) truths! Smile
#4 | kt6550 on February 08 2010 18:07:53
Very funny, very good, and very true! Well done.
#5 | Starfire on February 26 2010 19:28:19
Then, if you buy one, they'll send you a second one, or set, absolutely free! Isn't that great! Why not send you one and cut the price in half? So true LoL
#6 | Rob Kosy on March 06 2010 13:37:00
Very funny, with a tasty sarcastic garnish.
Its true in the UK too. The ads are better than the shows.
I must disagree on one point though. The reason they say "Don't try this at home" is because broadcasters believe that most viewers are thick as f*ck. But the fact that they actualy tell them not to do it proves that the broadcasters are just as thick as the viewers. I mean, come on. What happened the last time you told a total idiot not to do something?
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